I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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