Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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