so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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