he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
