I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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