if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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