Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
should my penis look like a turkey
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
