Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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