Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
