Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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