we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
