So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
