your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
