Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You pole danced in your parka.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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