I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
