i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Be still, my beating vagina.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
