lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
