...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
