Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
