I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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