I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
