i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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