Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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