So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Im part way to drunk.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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