you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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