i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Terrible idea I love it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
