dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
