by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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