So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
