My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My friends say stay away from him but itβs still 2017 so Iβm allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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