hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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