Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When are your genitals available?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
