forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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