I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
