Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think i have herpe
just one?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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