I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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