He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize