there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
