I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
