I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
