I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
