sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
