chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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