she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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