There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
