all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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