I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
