I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize