Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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