I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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