you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
