Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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