About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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