I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
