he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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