Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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