I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think people are normalizing furries
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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