Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
