I want to stick my p in your. b.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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