i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
