I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
