oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
