I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Couch. On fire.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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