Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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