I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
