I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I miss vodka workout Fridays
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
this hospital has no fireball
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
