I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
