Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
