This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
