I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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