We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
