That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
