the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
