remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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