how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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