The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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