My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
