I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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