Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
