I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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