Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
