I wish I only lived at night.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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