i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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