It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
