My sheets look like a crime scene.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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